Short Guide to Grand Cayman

We returned to Grand Cayman at Spring Break, where every day is sunny, warm and breezy. There are no panhandlers, no crime, no police sirens, no flies, no mosquitoes and no hassles. I bumped into an experienced mariner, and we agreed the only drawback is that the island’s isolation makes everything pricey.

“Of course the prices are high,” said Joe, a charter captain himself who jumped off a three-masted pirate ship named the Jolly Roger to chat.

“This is the Cayman Islands, where money is unlimited. There is no corporate tax or income tax, and no property tax either. No wonder banks and businesses flock here. I run a 65-foot schooner charter out of the BVIs, where the population is 27,000 but the number of businesses is 700,000.”

That sounds ridiculous, but similar ratios apply in Grand Cayman, with 40 of the world’s 50 largest banks registered. Cayman is in the BWI, or British West Indies. “These business people don’t work here and may not even know where the islands are.” Thousands arrive by cruise ship, and I caught a photo of a mega-yacht between two ships to give a sense of proportion.

Joe continued, “The only tax is an import tax, basically on tourists. That’s why a basic burger at a restaurant costs $15 CI. I went on Airbnb to get a room here in Grand Cayman and it cost $150 a night, for a single room. There’s not a hotel on the island less than $300 a night.” I postulated $1,000 at the Ritz-Carlton and Joe said, “or higher.”

The import tax is vital because obviously everything except water comes from someplace else. When you look out at the cruise ships anchored offshore, it’s hard to fathom how many goods have to be stored on board for a ten-day cruise. Now multiply that fact exponentially to gather all the goods to sustain an entire economy. 

Joe showed me a tourist guide with a crude nautical chart that disclosed the elusive reef surrounding Grand Cayman, which makes it so dangerous for sailboats. We saw precious few sailboats, most of them catamarans and only two or three sloops. Since the cats draw less water, they’re less likely to run aground on the reefs.

“I have to be careful with this boat,” he said of the pirate ship, “since it draws 9 feet. Catamarans do all right because they draw only a foot or so. There are some openings on the north side of the island where you can get in, but you need GPS and chart-plotter for sure. Don’t try to use paper charts because you won’t remember exactly where you are when you look at them.”

Joe spent 21 years in Canada’s Navy and was once on loan to the US Navy at Indian Head, Maryland. “I lived in Woodbridge in Northern Virginia and would kayak across the Potomac to get to work in the morning. People asked me what I did when the river froze over, but it was just a skim of ice. I’m from Canada, so I’d just put on a sweat top.”

Joe now keeps his schooner in St. Martin where he will charter out of the south side after fitting out in a few months. Here he finds the Caymans delightful, like everyone else. “The cruise ship companies love it here because it’s safe and secure. No panhandlers or crime when four or six ships blow in and disgorge 10,000 passengers a day.” I’ve seen it at rush hour, and it’s a ballet of movement among a dozen tenders at a time.

“The Turtle Farm is the most popular attraction for visitors, but it’s run by the government and they continue to lose $500,000 a year on it. Can you imagine that? If you or I took a crack at it as businessmen I’m sure we’d be able to turn a profit shortly.” I suggested we might have to lay off the older turtles, and he laughed.

It was good to talk to a fellow mariner who knew his way around Grand Cayman. He deadpanned, “I’ve been here a week.”